The Plus by Greg Gutfeld

Author:Greg Gutfeld
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Threshold Editions
Published: 2020-07-28T00:00:00+00:00

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When I was an editor in my previous life, I was asked to discuss a story on a major network. Before the segment was to air, they did a pre-interview—asking me how I felt about some celebrity, and I gave them my perspective. They told me, sadly, that it was exactly the same as the person I was going to spar with, and it would be great if I’d take the other side. That pissed me off, that they assumed I could simply trade out an opinion just because—oh boy!—I would get to be on television! I should sell my soul for that spotlight. I refused to. And not simply because I’m a big hero, but because it was an early morning program, and I’d rather sleep in than sell my soul. (If it had been in the late afternoon… who knows?) And my soul’s not worth that much anyway. I put it on eBay for $32.99. No takers.

Thing is, this producer was just doing her job. And her job was delivering debate to an audience that craves it. She was right: people come to TV for disagreements, as long as their side clobbers the other. It’s pro wrestling with inferior costuming and less humor and hair. The fire of a distant debate beats the cozy sweater of agreement. Everyone on the same page? That’s boring. That’s a panel on CNN debating something they all agree on, like the evils of memes that make fun of CNN. Boring. And what else is boring? Nuance, complexity, footnotes. Plus, such things take up a lot of time. If you’ve got four minutes for a segment on an average program and the host asks me about my stance on immigration and I respond with “I am for the lottery system, against the skilled worker visa, and we should build a wall while simultaneously increasing the numbers of refugees, provided they take a course in capitalism,” I guarantee I will never be asked to return. Yet, that’s pretty much my stance, I think. For now, anyway. It could change.

There are true polarities in this world. In the digital world there are ones and zeroes, and in life there is life and death, rich and poor, ugly and me. But there’s a load of upholstery in between that can make your life easier. Take foreign policy. We used to think of it as only war and peace. Tolstoy never wrote War and Extended Cease-fire Talks because he knew nobody would read it. Which is a problem—because with the war-peace dichotomy you’ve got a 50 percent chance you’re going to lose a nephew, a son, daughter, or dad.

But soon you realize that diplomacy is nothing more than an endless series of little steps, boring meetings that are placed between the polarities of “doing nothing” and “killing everyone.” An example: sanctions, which are the financial penalties enacted against a country that’s pissed you off.

Did you ever notice how there’s always one more sanction to apply

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